


Pouf goes to space

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: HE GOES TO SPACE, One sided Pouf/Meruem??? idk, Pouf does not condone the use of alcohol, astronomy kinda, do they even live on earth?, earth science, poor Komugi doesn't even exist here, starships, wtf?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4893802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Got the idea from the Supermoon lunar eclipse from yesterday??? Thanks, moon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pouf goes to space

It was about 12:35 AM. 12:35:23 A.M. to be exact. The new kingdom of the chimera ants was particularly quiet that night as everyone had a little too much intoxicating drinks... But Pouf, on the other hand... He did not drink any of the nasty liquor stuff - he saw it as a bad influence - and quite frankly he was suffering. His siblings weren't awake to tell him bedtime stories and the king, oh dear O-sama, was busy (drunkly) serenading his beautiful bride Milluki.

Yes, come through, Milluki Zoldyck.

Granted, he is a little fat for his wedding dress, but....

SO ANYWAY POUF WAS HELLA BORED. He finished playing the pokemon theme song on his violin for the 333th time. The king had requested him to play it for the party... Well before Pouf left. And by now, Pouf was quite tired of forever 10 year-olds failing to capture every pocket monster, and a yellow bead-eyed rat that never reached level 100. He wanted to add new spice to his life. And unfortunately that wasn't sleeping with the king... :( 

"fucking PLEBS. I'm going to do something actually productive with my life than drink BOOZE and watch a fat 'bride' pig out at the SNACK TABLE."

Pouf majestically flew outside his bedroom window, which he shared with his brother Youpi. Youpi slept on the bottom bunk because he is a big ant. Surely, if the damn bunk fell apart with him sleeping on the top bed, Pouf would be fucking smashed!!

So anyway he spread his wings and he MAJESTICALLY threw SPARKLES over the kingdom, for pete's sake the old building could use some shine. He then combed his hair with beeswax, even though he personally had yet to meet a bee chimera ant.

"wtf are U doing up?"

Why, it was none other than Neferpitou, who was serving as the watchman, had Pitou actually been a man.... or woman.... or person.... And Pitou often became sad because why the fuck does their brothers have genders but not them???

Pouf flicked his shiny blond hair. No, it was not greasy like Illumi's. He flicked it and sparkles flew off, then he batted his eyelashes, "I'm going to space." he answered.

"No, you can't go to space. Everybody knows that butterflies can't make it up that high into the atmosphere. Moths can't, helicopters can't, planes can't, FUCK EVEN PRIVATE GOVERNMENT JETS CAN'T." Pitou was going crazy, this job did NOT pay well AT ALL.

"Pffft," Pouf started, "Go home, kitty, you're drunk."

Pitou frowned and hiccuped. Then the reaction from the hiccup made them slide off the roof. 

Oh no Pitou fell off the roof.

Pouf didn't care.

"I'm going to space and nobody can stop me." he said to himself, flying higher, "Not even NASA can stop me."

Little did Pouf know, NASA had tellyscopes all around the world. All around the kingdom.

"I'm going 2 personally touch a star. " pouf continued, "I will violate all the stars." But Pouf doesn't know that stars are big balls of fire. Big balls of FIRE. He continued to fly high, high, high, in the air. He is getting SO HIGH off the air, he sudddenly can't take it anymore. Atmospheric pressure began to kick his asssss and OH MY GOD he couldn't BREATHE ANYMORE!

"IS THIS THE LITHOSPHERE???" he sang but that was all of his breath. He couldn't flap his wings no more. No 'mo. 

The moon looked so pretty. Like it was yellow, blue, and gray?? What the fuck? Pouf wondered to himself why the moon was three different colors on different days. Sometimes the moon was red, and weirdly enough that was when the female ants got cranky??

But pouf was falling back to the troposhere. He was such a loser! He would never know that the lithosphere was actually the earth's outer section. BUT WAIT is this even Earth??? We don't know yet.

so Pouf fell, hooray - he fell back into the party where where the ants were OBVIOUSLY having a party. When he returned to consciousness, he could smell the disgusting smell of alcoholic beverages. "UGH" he mentally screamed, but he wasn't prepared for what his eyes would see - Milluki's wedding dress splitting revealing his thunder thighs.

Pouf cried. His tears were sparkly.

"I wish to not live on this planet any more. No 'mo." he sobbed. Nobody cared.

And that's when Pouf invaded a NASA base. He was here for one thing, that thing called a rocket which sends Tiny Humanz into space for some reason. Pouf was not really into science so he wouldn't know. Heck ,he couldn't figure out the asthenosphere from the mesosphere.

Anyway, he killed all the great rockeeteers and he robbed a rocket. He felt like Spaceships were too mainstream, blame Nicki Minaj ok? But alas! The song, Starships, it was stuck in his head.

"Starships were meant to fly" he sang as the rocket was prepared for take off. He saw a lot a lot of smoke and Died a Little, it was crushing his LUNGS.

But he must go on. The journey to space would be a tough one, and Pouf knew that.

"FuCKING BLAST OFF" he said radly, but his timing was off.... The stupid rocket didn't 'blast off' until 20 seconds l8r. ...And so it flew....

"FUCK YES BYE SHITTY PLANET!" pouf screamed with joy. If he couldn't marry the king what was the purpose of life? To find life in the stars? No, to find life on other planets.

But first Poooooff needed to violate the stars.

"starshits were meant to fly, " he continued to sing, "Hands up and touch the skyyyyyyyyyy can't stop cause we're so highhhhhhhh"

It was TRUE. Pouf was high. The rocket was high too. High in the atmosphere, not drugs you silly butt.

and off to space he went...

Only ten days later did the other Chimera Ants find out. Yes, come through, they had all been drunk and merry and partying for ten days straight. Pitou was busy trying to explain the situation.

"Ok Listen the FUCK up I told him that it was impossible to go to space, so..."

"But it says here that he has established a colony on Venus." Meruem pointed out as he read the newspaper and ate cheerios, he always did that. Cheerios are good for your heart.

"Impossiboru!" Youpi exclaimed, "Venus is a 464 degrees (CELSIUS, for you danksters) oven and besides, how can Pouf procreate. Pouf cannot procreate because nobody lives on venus."

"He has clones?" Pitou suggested.

"Yes, Pouf must only live with his clones or something cause this is fishy af" Meruem stated.

Then Milluki, the lovable bride of the king, came and sat down at the table of their little tea party. As he sat down, the entire kingdom rippled and several ants died. The impact was 3much5them.

He burped, "what up babe."

Meruem said "smooches"

and that was the end of their debate. Yes, it was short lived.

Meanwhile, precious Pouf was using up all of Venus' untapped resources. Oil? Lube??? Fuck yes even though Venus' geology is NOTHING LIKE THAT.

But Pouf had on the XD face, he was in stupid Beelzebub form and he forced his other clones to do slave labor, who demanded a raise. The clones would eventually die and be replaced with clowns, who Pouf found out were cheaper to higher because as everyone knows, clowns make a pact with the devil, and work for only 10 cent a day.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Venus rhymes with penis. HAHAHAHA, I'm such a genius WOOOO that RHYMESSs


End file.
